A discussion concerning facial hair

A comedy dialog I did for a school assignment. Using characters from a sci-fi book called “Odd Team Out”. A cyborg squad in the navy is where this is based. The characters are:

Cobalt Winter: Black hair and blue green eyes, blue suit. Clumsy, but kind. Likes to joke a lot.

Jazz Diaz: African-american, Cobalt Winter’s best friend, music lover, has a green suit.

Blades: Strawberry blonde, silver suit. The only swordsman in the squadron. Never without a sword or dagger of some sort.

Comet: Yellow and black suit, brown hair. Smiles a lot and is extremely fast at running. Frost’s older brother.

Frost: Black suit with a blue star on the front. Very skinny. Black hair with a bad haircut (courtesy of Blades). Gets a little goofy at times. Comet’s younger brother.

Magma: Red, fire patterned suit. Side-combed, brown hair. Quiet. Loyal to his friends, though sometimes he gets a little annoyed with their craziness.

Cobalt rubbed his upper lip thoughtfully. There was a little bit of hair there, not even close to what anyone in their right mind would call a mustache, but not being able to see it, Cobalt thought these few hairs a great success.

“Hey, Jazz!” Cobalt called to his friend sitting across the room.

“Hmm?” grunted Jazz disinterestedly.

“I think I’m starting a mustache!” Jazz turned around, his eyebrows so high they almost touched his curly hair.

“Lemme have a look at that,” he said, getting up from his chair and walking over to Cobalt.

Cobalt took his finger off and held up his head for Jazz to examine his upper lip. Jazz squinted at it hard, the corner of his own upper lip curling skeptically.

“Winter, I can’t even see it. I might be able to if I had a magnifying glass, but I’d hold off on calling that a mustache right now.” Cobalt sighed and clunked back down onto his bunk.

He had waited to have a mustache for about as long as he could remember. When he’d first joined the cyborg squadron, Captain Navio had even had to confiscate a sharpie from him. Cobalt had used it to draw a crooked mustache and beard on himself. And being the kind and generous boy he was, he had shared his newfound talent, drawing bedraggled little goatees and the like on any boy who wanted it. This was not approved of at all by any adults on the boat, but it had won Cobalt some friends.

“Hey, could I look?” asked Frost from across the room, flipping his black clump of hair out of his eyes.

“Be my guest,” answered Cobalt, stretching his upper lip partly over his teeth to make any part of a mustache more visible. Frost leaned his skinny body over, propping his hands on his knees and staring at Cobalt’s lip so long that Cobalt began to squirm.

“Eh, I can see a little bit of something… you’re getting there,” Frost said finally. Cobalt perked up a little bit.

“Really?” Frost shrugged, held his thumb and forefinger a fraction of an inch apart and squinted at Cobalt through the small opening.

“It’s really a little bit, but it’ll grow… I think… someday.” Cobalt looked a little sad and rubbed his chin.

“I must not have much of a beard then, do I?” Everyone in the room stopped what they were doing and stared at Cobalt.

“Heck, no!” exclaimed Frost. Cobalt’s face reddened and he ducked his head.

“I’ve just always wanted a beard and mustache, “ he mumbled.

“Like Captain Navio?” asked Comet. Cobalt’s blush faded a little and he nodded. Frost grinned,

“I’ve always wanted a circle like right around here,” he traced a circle around his mouth, “You know, like a mustache and beard connected into one?”

“That’s boring!” objected Blades, “I’d grow a beard all the way down to my knees… no… my toes, and then I’d trim it into a bunch of cool shapes.” Blades’ eyes sparkled, “Maybe, if I got my hands on some gel, I could make it into a sword!”

“And then you can grow your hair out real long and get more gel and make your hair into a sheath!” enthused Frost, “Man, that would be so cool!”

“Remind me to hide the hair gel,” mumbled Magma, absorbed in something he was writing.

“I would do something like a French handlebar mustache,” said Jazz, looking dignified and twirling an imaginary mustache.

“Eh,” said Comet, “I think your mustache would be too curly for that.”

“Okay, then, I’d do a huge poofy mustache like some crazy mariachi guy.” Jazz gave Comet a crazy looking smile with all of his teeth.

I…” said Comet dramatically, “Would do something more practical with my beard. I’d grow it really long like Blades’ and then I’d make it into some sort of a rudder. So when I’m running really fast, I’d just turn my beard and shoot off in another direction!”
“I don’t think that would really work….” said Magma, still not looking up.

“… and If I got bored of that,” continued Comet, “I’d make it into a big spike off my chin and when we’re fighting bad guys I could charge and run them through with my beard!”

Cobalt gave Comet a weird look.

“If I twist it hard enough, that is, “ Comet explained, “Rhino’s horns are hair you know.”

Jazz turned, “What would you do, Magma?” Magma sat up straight and his mouth twitched slightly.

“I… uh…I…” he stuttered as if he didn’t know how to say what he was trying to, “I’m already shaving.”

The rest of the room stared at Magma, mouths agape.

“B-But nothing? At all?”

“You’ve got so many possibilities!

“You’re so lucky, Magma!”

“Why the heck would you…?”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Magma waved his hands, “That’s just my preference because it’s so much easier. I thought I might like a mustache before it started growing, but I changed my mind. Just wait, when you guys get your mustaches, your ideas of facial hair will come a little more down to earth too.” He turned and continued writing his essay.

“In closing, friendship varies from person to person,” he wrote. “Sometimes you have to put up with some of your friends acting somewhat insane. But you need to consider when the insanity has gone too far and try to calm things down a bit.


P.S. Captain, I’ve got to tell you later about the crazy circumstances in which I was writing this. “
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42 thoughts on “A discussion concerning facial hair

    1. I was thinking of having the cyborgs pull something like this on Magma. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iAOcMoTiNkA
      XD Jazz writes the song and tells the news that young boys will be putting on a performance for them. Everyone has instruments and Magma is informed of his solo at the last possible minute.
      And of course the song makes sense at first… then, knowing Jazz, it degenerates into barely inteligible hilarious nonsense… XD

          1. X-P YES.
            And “The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything” is classic! I have headcanons about the Doctor forcing Jack Harkness to learn it so Team TARDIS (erm, the one with Martha, I guess?) can sing it. Ten does Larry’s part (of course!) Jack does Mr. Lunt and Martha does Pa Grape. X-P

          2. XD yes! That would be awesome! “…and I’ve never bathed in yogurt and I don’t look good in leggings!”
            Though I have a hard time believing that the doctor has never been to Boston in the fall. 😉

          3. I’m SURE he’s licked a spark plug at some point. X-D Ten just HAS to taste EVERYTHING X-D
            And sniffing a stink bug… he’d protest that he’s too clever to do something idiotic like that. X-D

          4. Very true. X-D Painted daisies on a big red rubber ball? Yup. And we know for SURE he’s good at tennis. He used a tennis racket and ball to knock out a Sontaran once. 😛 Thrown mashed potatoes? Almost certainly. I’ll bet that’s what he was doing at the Plymouth Bay colony. Head lice? No, Time Lords don’t get head lice. But kissing a chipmunk? It’s probably on his bucket list. ;-P
            However, he has actually never been to Boston in autumn. X-P

          5. I see. 😉
            Off topic: Inside Out. Have you seen it? Just saw it last night and… Wow. Masterpiece of storytelling. And a lot funnier than I thought it would be.
            The gum jingle and Fear on dream duty… XD

          6. *does happy dance* Woo hoo!
            Also, headcanons that the Tenth Doctor sometimes turns up Owl City on full volume and dances with whatever’s available. Like, Rose walks in on him dancing with one of the body pillows from the TARDIS bedrooms. XD

          7. It should be there tomorrow, actually. So watch the mailbox closely… 😛
            Haha, yessss! XP
            I really want to finish my Horatio story… just so you know I haven’t forgotten. I have the rest planned, but Odd Team Out is taking precedence.

          8. Yes you should totally right that! XD Back to the silly song topic, wouldn’t that be a little bit along the lines of “Endangered Love”? XP
            “Maybe you should read a book…”
            It’s all the more incentive to finish my book faster. Though it does nothing but add to the torture.

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