Happy Birthday, Wolfgang!

Yes, you read that right. It’s Wolfgang’s birthday, everyone. Because I figure out that sort of thing.

So, in honor of everyone’s favorite villain/hero and my favorite son, we have a few birthday goodies here.

First off. Collages. As always.



Much fun making those.


And the Studio C comedy sketch which basically inspired his whole story.


And last but not least, a small story from the alternate universe of Survival 3.0 a few of you may remember where he got trapped on an island with a few other characters. (A Rare Glimpse here folks.)

Kendra the cop and mom friend. Sofie, the sweet girl with weird superpowers. Atlas, the assassin and Wolfgang’s frenemy. Cassidy, Atlas’s tiny daughter and Wolfgang’s biggest fan. And Kaz, the medic and dad friend.

Anyway. Now that you know everyone.

Let’s see how they celebrate his birthday.

“Do you know when Wolfgang’s birthday is?”


Kendra shifted the phone against her ear, frowning slightly as she kept working on folding her laundry. “No . . . I don’t. Is there a reason, Sofie?”


And why would Sofie think sheof all people knew? It wasn’t like she was that big on birthdays anyway . . . hadn’t even celebrated her own for years.


Quiet for a second. Kendra could almost see the embarrassed shrug before Sofie’s response.


“I just kinda found something at the store today he’d . . . maybe like. As a present. And usually presents are for birthdays so . . .? I dunno. I just . . . was wondering. Sorry.”


“No, no, it’s fine . . .” Kendra pursed her lips thoughtfully, setting down a folded pair of jeans. Something tickled at the back of her mind. Like she’d heard some piece of information on Wolfgang’s birthday, though she couldn’t imagine in what circumstance he’d . . . happen to mention something like that . . .


She shook her head a little, sitting back. “I don’t think I know, but he might have told me at some point. I’ll call you back if I remember, okay?”


“Okay,” Sofie responded. “Thanks, Kendra. Bye.”


“No problem. Bye.”


Kendra hit the button to end the call and dropped her hand holding the phone into her lap. Still just thinking.




Her and Wolfgang had . . . a good amount of conversations, sure. But most of them centered on more important things than birthdays.


So why did that ring a bell in her mind? Had she made any sort of comment on . . .?


Oh. Ohhhh.


That was it.


On the island. One of the many times she was helping to get his wounds re-bandaged and he was trying to lighten the mood


“Dankworth, you have to be one of the unluckiest people to ever be born.”


“Well hey, I actually was born on a Friday the 13th. No joke.”


Wolfgang, even if he was saying “no joke”, was still an unreliable source on a lot of things.


But . . . she knew how old he was. And if she could just check the year he was born against the calendar to see if there were any Friday the 13ths then. And that’d give her his birthday. Was it really that unbelievable that he’d be the kind of guy who was born on that sort of day?


She just sat there thinking for another minute.


Would Wolfgang really be someone who was big on celebrating his birthday anyway? He seemed like more the guy to . . . maybe go out and get an extra beer by way of celebration and call it good. Not someone who’d love other people making a huge deal out of it.


And . . . really, that was the most tempting thing about this whole idea.


The idea for a big, elaborate surprise party started forming in her head. It would be the best possible prank to pull because seriously, it wasn’t even mean. Just . . . embarrassing. And she could claim total innocence to any prank intent . . .


Kendra smirked a little and picked up her phone again, clicking it on.


Time to go date-checking.




August 13th.


It was a couple of months out when Kendra decided to figure out Wolfgang’s birthday, so once she did, they had a decent amount of lead time.


Enough to get a plan together and get Sofie and Kaz on board.


There was no getting Atlas on board for this, even after they had all the details figured out and sent to him. Which wasn’t exactly a surprise, with the relationship between him and Wolfgang.


But they’d figured out where Wolfgang would drop by on his birthday. A pretty good bet, at least. Based on the word of Bad News, who appointed himself the provider of the cake and ice cream, as always.


And the Den was an excellent place to decorate for a party.


So, everyone gathered their supplies and got to the Den early the morning of the 13th.




News cast an approving look around the Den, festooned with multicolored streamers and balloons. “Well. I usually try and make it look pretty cheery around here, but man this is an awesome upgrade. Nice job.”


Sofie hopped down from off a chair in the corner where she was hanging one corner of the birthday banner and fiddled with the brim of her baseball cap. “Hopefully . . . it all stays up?” she winced. “We might not have used enough tape on a few spots . . .”


“It will be fine, Sofie.” Kaz finished tacking up the other side of the banner in the other corner, not having to stand on a chair to get his side up.


“And it’s not like Wolfgang’s some fragile flower who’s gonna die if a few streamers fall down on him,” Kendra added, bumping a couple balloons off to the side and giving her can of silly string a firm shake before jamming it back in her pocket. “Everybody armed and ready?”


Sofie obediently held up her silly string can. Bad News held up two.


Kaz chuckled and held up his empty hands. He shook his head, his dreadlocks swinging. “I think I will be fine simply wishing him a happy birthday without the silly string.”


“You can watch the presents,” News offered generously.


Sofie glanced back towards the table with the few small wrapped packages on it and bounced on her toes a little.


Kendra moved closer towards the doors. “When did you say he’d be . . .?” she trailed off, her eyebrows raising as she saw a black car bumping down the road. It started to slow down and turn into the parking lot.




A grin pulled her mouth sideways.


She whirled back around, gesturing to everyone. “Hey, hey, guys he’s here! Get into position!”


News looked surprised. “Already?” he checked his watch. “Starting the year off by turning into an early bird here?”


“Well we have everything together here anyway,” Kendra pointed out. “Come on. Before he sees us.”


Everyone slipped out of sight from the door into their assigned hiding spots with Kendra and Sofie on either side of the main doors and Kaz and News ducking behind one of the nearby shelves.


Kendra pulled her long, blonde hair back into a ponytail quickly, then took out her can of yellow silly string and gave it a good shake. She glanced towards the door out of the corner of her eye.


She couldn’t see anything to outside from here, really. But she could still hear. The car motor had rumbled to a stop. There was the sound of a car door opening and shutting. And then again . . . what must have been his trunk. And then footsteps. Coming closer and closer to the door by the second.


Kendra bit back a smirk as she popped the lid off the silly string.


Sofie popped off hers, glancing over at Kendra and looking a little nervous.


The footsteps came closer. Closer. And then stopped right by the door. Kendra could see a hand. The door pushed in.


“Now!” she shouted.


Sofie, News and Kendra all jumped out at once, yelling and wildly spraying multicolored silly string at the figure who’d just stepped through the door.


Or . . . figures, actually, Kendra realized.


Cassidy let out a shrill scream of delight just as Kendra realized that the man they’d all been covering in silly string was not, in fact, Wolfgang Dankworth.


She immediately dropped her can and made a frantic “hold your fire” motion.


Another second and Sofie and News stopped. Kaz just stood there, his eyes wide.


Everything was dead silent for a good few seconds. 


Cassidy laughed, clapping her hands and flinging a few bits of silly string around. “Daddy look!”


Atlas just stood there rigidly, his face too covered in colorful gunk to make out his expression. One hand clutched around a trashy looking giftbag.


Kendra winced, biting her lip. “ . . . Sorry, At. We . . . didn’t know you were coming.”


Atlas finally moved, swiping one hand across his face to clear the silly string and muttering under his breath. “And this is what I get for coming to Wolfgang’s stupid birthday party.”




Sofie took about five straight minutes apologizing for Atlas and trying to explain. Which she actually did a lot better than the rest of them. Because Kaz hadn’t even been spraying silly string, News just thought it was funny, and Atlas had correctly assumed that it had been Kendra’s idea.


Thankfully, by the time Wolfgang’s car actually did show up at the end of the road, Atlas had cooled down enough to hide next to Kendra while dual wielding a couple of cans of silly string.


Cassidy, on the other hand, had only been even more delighted at the silly string incident and thought this was about the best birthday party ever. She was hiding with Sofie. And having a lot of trouble keeping quiet.


Atlas kept his back pressed flat against the wall, his expression carved from stone.


Kendra really didn’t see this as a good foot to start out the birthday party on. But . . . at least Atlas came anyway? And he brought a present too. From himself. Not just from Cassidy. That was probably the most shocking thing.


Hopefully it wasn’t some tear gas bomb or something.


There were footsteps outside. These ones were definitely Wolfgang’s. More of the easy striding pace than Atlas’s stiff, almost military walk.


Kendra popped the lid off her can again, glancing over at who she could see from here. Sofie was ready. Atlas was . . . scarily ready. Cassidy muffled a happy squeak.


The footsteps came to a stop by the door. There was a second of silence.


The door swung open.


“Fire!” Kendra hollered as Wolfgang’s cowlick came into view.


Wolfgang jumped back in shock as multiple figures jumped from the shadows and started spraying him down with silly string.


“Hey! What in the . . .?” he sputtered and choked on his words as he got a mouthful of Cassidy’s pink string.


Kendra laughed, letting up on her spraying once Wolfgang looked appropriately covered. She stuck the can back in her pocket, grinning.


Wolfgang tried to swipe some of the string off his face and get away, but Atlas cornered him and emptied out the rest of his cans in his hair and all over his face and jacket.


Only then did he back off, leaving Wolfgang to sputter in the corner while he tried to swipe all the gunk off his face and clothes.


Wolfgang hacked and coughed for a few seconds, staggering to his feet again and running a hand through his hair to get out yet more silly string. He looked between them all with an expression of shock and betrayal. Even more confusion crossed his face as he looked around and saw all the balloons and streamers.


“Guys, what . . .?”


Kendra spread her hands. “Happy birthday, Wolfgang.”


He stared at her, his mouth opening and closing a couple of times. He shook his head. “B-but I never told you . . .” he looked over to his giant friend. “News?”


News shook his head and shrugged. “Not me, man. I’m just the venue.”


“Happy birthday!” Cassidy crowed, jumping around and spraying yet more silly string up into the air. Wolfgang flinched.


“I just figured a few things out myself,” Kendra shrugged, still grinning.


Wolfgang stood there, stammering over a few more incoherent questions.


Kaz chuckled. “Well? Do you not usually celebrate your birthday?”


“Not . . . usually, no,” Wolfgang managed, running a hand through his hair again.


“Well we . . . we have some presents,” Sofie offered hesitantly, fidgeting with the brim of her hat. “And cake and ice cream in the back if you want?”


Wolfgang’s expression of bewilderment slowly shifted over a little bit into amusement. He shook his head, letting out a shaky laugh. “Okay, sure. Why not.”


And so cake and ice cream it was.


Bad News’s specialty was peacekeeping through food and it worked pretty well. The birthday song went wonderfully, since Wolfgang didn’t have to sing in it. Even if he did have to blow out over twenty candles Cassidy insisted on sticking in the top.


There was a brief, Kaz-supervised toast made with one of the old pirate rum bottles.


And then it was on to the presents.


Bad News clapped his hands together, grinning. “Right-o. So who do you want to open from first?”


“Hmm . . .” Wolfgang squinted over at the pile of presents, then looked back at his friends. “Let me think . . .”


“Do mine! Do mine, Wolfgang!” Cassidy chirped.


Kendra smiled as Wolfgang pretended to be deep in thought for another few seconds before turning back to News.


“Yeah, I think I’ll go with Cassidy’s.”


News pulled a very large package loosely wrapped in bright pink wrapping out from under the counter and set it in front of Wolfgang.


Wolfgang’s eyebrows went up and he looked over at Cassidy, who just bounced and clapped her hands.


“Open iiiit come on!”


“Okay, okay. Wow. Didn’t . . . know you had such a budget, peanut.” Wolfgang tore away at the wrapping paper. It easily fell away, revealing some sort of . . . mutilated backpack. Attached to a cardboard box and a few odd cans.


He just stared at it for a few seconds in confusion.


Cassidy grinned.


Kaz raised his eyebrows, looking down at her. “Cassidy, would you . . . like to tell Wolfgang what his present is?”


“A jetpack,” Cassidy replied, sounding insulted. “He knew what it was.” She looked to Wolfgang for confirmation.


Wolfgang took a second to catch his cue. Then he nodded emphatically. “Oh, yes. Definitely. A jetpack. Thank you. I’ve always wanted one.” He pulled it off the table and swung it around onto his back, then spread his hands. “How does it look?”


“Wow,” Kendra remarked, giving an exaggerated nod and stifling a laugh.


Atlas’s mouth twitched sideways in a small smile. Cassidy clapped her hands again. “Perfect!”


“Awesome,” News agreed, he reached down to highfive Cassidy before turning back to Wolfgang. “Now who next?”


Wolfgang pulled the jetpack off to set next to his chair. “How about we do this youngest to oldest? Let’s go with Sofie next.”


News nodded and grabbed a small, square package off the table. Much more neatly wrapped than Cassidy’s.


Sofie sat forward, biting her lip.


Taking the package, Wolfgang turned it over in his hands and glanced up to wiggle his eyebrows at Sofie before tearing off the paper. The gold paper fell away to show a small CD inside. A collection labeled “The Best of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart”.


A surprised grin broke across Wolfgang’s face and Sofie’s nervous expression shifted into a relieved smile.


“Sofie! How’d you know I liked this stuff?”


Sofie messed with the ends of her hair, ducking her head a little. “Well I . . . when I was riding with you once you were listening to classical music. And . . . you know, this guy has your name, so I just guessed.”


Wolfgang laughed. “And you’re a great guesser. Thanks, kid.”


Sofie grinned, giving a cautious Wolfgang-style salute back.


After the CD was gently set on the counter, they were on to Atlas’s weird looking giftbag. Even though Atlas didn’t like being singled out as being as young as he was, he just muttered something about it under his breath and gestured for Wolfgang to go ahead.


Wolfgang took the bag and turned it around a couple times before carefully sticking his hand in like he expected to find a set bear trap inside.


Instead he came out with a bunched up, plastic grocery bag. He frowned and unrolled it, one by one pulling out the things that were inside.


“Well. We have . . . breath mints. Very nice. A ‘heavy duty’ comb. Handy. A bar of soap. And deodorant.” He set the last one on the counter with a clunk and just stared at the lineup of personal hygiene items with his eyebrows raised.


Kendra closed her eyes. I knew we couldn’t count on Atlas to get good presents.


Silence for a second.


“Just thought I’d get you things you needed,” Atlas supplied generously.


Kaz winced, slowly shaking his head. “Atlas . . .”


“Ah.” Wolfgang looked over at him, one side of his mouth twitching like he was either angry or trying to hold back a laugh. “Well . . . believe it or not, I do have these things.”


Atlas’s turn to raise his eyebrows. He shrugged. “You’re welcome.”


“No, Atlas, I meant . . .” Wolfgang raised a hand, then dropped it and shook his head. “Okay. Yeah. Thanks.”


News wordlessly handed over Kendra’s present. A lightweight, but kind of big box. Which Wolfgang opened to find a cowboy hat inside.


“Just thought . . . sometimes you might want to change up the cowlick look,” Kendra grinned.


Wolfgang laughed, taking the hat out and putting it on his head. “Fantastic. I can be a jetpack cowboy now.”


And that left Kaz’s present. A very small, solid little package. Which basically everyone guessed before he opened it.


A pocket first-aid kit.


Wolfgang grinned and held it up. “Should make your job a bit easier, eh Kaz?”


Kaz chuckled. “I would hope so, my friend.” He gestured towards the package, “And there are . . . a few extra things of my own that I put in there.”


“Oh did you now?” he started to unzip it.


Sofie leaned over and whispered something that sounded like “orange juice” under her breath and Wolfgang stopped, looking back up to Kaz.


“You didn’t.”


“Hey, it’s not what we toasted your health with,” Kendra pointed out. “Just be happy.”


“And my present,” News broke in, clapping his hands together again. “Wolf, I got you a saxophone. It’s in the back room.”


Atlas paled.


And there we have it. 

Wolfgang’s birthday.


Hope you all enjoyed. ❤ Feel free to leave your own birthday wishes and gifts in the comments.


6 thoughts on “Happy Birthday, Wolfgang!

  1. Hey, Rosey!
    I’m an OYANer (I talked to you on the forum a bit. LoveStrong-YouWere1stLoved XD), and I was just reading through your Wolfgang stories (Man, I like that guy. XD), and, assuming my logic and math and stuff all works out, Wolfy was born on August 13, 1999, right? Because if Blank Mastermind takes place in April, 2022, then that means he would be turning 23 that year.
    So, if that’s all correct, then… You and I have created a strange little thingy here. XD
    I have a charrie named Dominic Renner who was also born on August 13, 1999 (which I did on purpose because he has an extremely unlucky life and likes to blame it on being born on and unlucky day, even though he is not superstitious in the least), and who has the same MBTI personality type (ENTP). AND, his story takes place in 2022. I just realized this, and I was thinking about how these two dudes would interact, and I figure they would either become fast friends, or kill each other within five minutes. XD

    Also, I absolutely love your writing, and Blank Mastermind is within my top five favorite books. I think I’ve read it four times, and I haven’t gotten bored of it. I don’t think I ever will. I’m reading it again.
    <33 You're amazing!

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